Be Still

Be still. I can't remember the first time I heard those words, but before I ever knew they were Biblical I was hearing them from my mother, grandmother, and anyone else who needed me to stop moving or doing.

My mind has always been bustling and full of ideas. Even as a young child, no matter how hard I played all day, my mind would keep me awake at night as my imagination would take hold in the stillness. I talked fast, which was unusual amidst the slow drawls and twangs of Southeast Texas, but only the cadence of my speech stood out because I still managed the drawl and twang, just in 2x speed. As a child this made me totally GT, creative and capable of hyperfocus on just the right things so that I looked completely together. In reality, I was easily distracted from the every day things while I seemed like I was in full control of every aspect of my life. When I was running laps for leaving my gym locker open during volleyball practice everyone just assumed I was a victim of a forgetful locker partner, but I felt terrible knowing she was running as well because I was the forgetful one. Teachers expected us to have organized notebooks, and when they did their scheduled binder checks I would stay up late the night before filing all the loose papers in the bottom of my backpack. Not a soul at my school or even in my home knew my brain was bouncing around with 100 open windows because I performed very well and presented myself as the picture of the stereotypical smart girl. College went well. I had a blast, but pulled all nighters on the regular as I managed my time poorly. At some point in time I realized that if I focused during lectures by taking great notes decorated with various doodles in every free space, I could retain the information and test well. As a result, I didn't have to learn to manage time. I just had to make it to class. Grad school went much the same way, and I had an amazing time playing 42 (dominoes) until the wee hours of the morning with friends and writing major papers at the last moment possible.

The real world brought me a career where being personable and creative allowed to excel. and I had to begin keeping a calender to keep it all straight, but the job was often unpredictable and many times my schedule for the day could be completely turned upside down by one urgent call. It was perfect. I've spent nearly 20 years in the field and I don't know that any two days have ever been just alike. The only thing I dread about the job is the expense and mileage reporting because repetitious paperwork drains the life out of me. I'd rather work a 14 hour day walking 4.5 miles in heels than to spend an hour every two weeks on paperwork. So where does the adrenaline fueled success end and the chaos begin? In a different spot every day. Some days the chaos seems manageable and just a byproduct of hustling. Other days the chaos seems to be the predominant mood for the day from the moment I wake I am trying to find my footing, only to finally collapse into the bed feeling unaccomplished and drained.

And that's where stillness can be found. That's the place where meditating on God's Word is the only thing that can still my racing mind. That's the place where a psalm or an encouraging word from Jesus can restore hope and literally re-order the chaos in my mind. I open God's word, take in the stillness, and realize that if I'd only taken a moment earlier in the day to step back from the chaos and seek the stillness in meditating on scripture, everything would look different now. I promise myself that tomorrow I will make Psalm 46 my mantra. I will remember that God is my refuge and strength, and a very present help in trouble. I won't fear, no matter how the earth moves. The Lord is with me; He is my refuge. I just need to be still long enough to let Him in.

Psalm 46

God the Refuge of His People and Conqueror of the Nations; To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of the sons of Korah. A Song for Alamoth.

God is our refuge and strength,

A very present help in trouble.

2 Therefore we will not fear,

Even though the earth be removed,

And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

3 Though its waters roar and be troubled,

Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah

4 There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,

The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.

5 God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;

God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.

6 The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved;

He uttered His voice, the earth melted.

7 The Lord of hosts is with us;

The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah

8 Come, behold the works of the Lord,

Who has made desolations in the earth.

9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;

He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;

He burns the chariot in the fire.

10 Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth!

11 The Lord of hosts is with us;

The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.